Love is the most rewarding and destructive emotion. It can make you fly above the clouds, or it can bury you deep into the ground. Often when we are hurt, it is by the ones that we love the most, or care about the most. If we are hurt, we turn to the ones we love.
I stumbled upon my chat logs from about a month ago today. They were between my girlfriend and I back when we were going through a really rough patch. Things have been pretty rocky ever since, but they’re on the mend.
I’ve always been curious to see what I can handle. When it came to school, I kept on pushing myself harder and faster – things had to be done now, and they had to be done right. My day in my last year of high school would start at 5:30 in the morning, and end at midnight or so. Things haven’t really slowed down since then, but they’re not quite as crazy. This past month has shown me that I can take a beating and just keep on going.
I’ve never considered suicide as a solution to anything, since all it does is hurt the other people in your life who do care about you (and even if you think there aren’t any, they’re there – you just need to look harder). My friend Jean-Sebastien has been a great help to me lately. I’ve been able to talk to him about anything without any fear of judgment or embarrassment. He told me something back when things were at their worst, and I’ll never forget it:
You only have two outcomes in life, never less, never more. You live or you die. If it won’t kill you, you’ll live, as painful as what you may be feeling may be.
It’s simple but it’s true. If the chips are down, there’s only one place to go – up. It’s up to you to decide which path you take out of the hole. I’m going to go hand in hand with the woman I love.